Love is the Master Key.

I carry you with me.

Preface: I haven’t posted on this blog in a really long time.  I haven’t been writing recently and I haven’t been working on more photos either. I really miss the Eye Love project and hope to rekindle it soon and I want to write poetry but I haven’t been feeling super creative lately. 

HOWEVER, there is something that I want to share and I didn’t know where else to do it. Its miraculous. At least, to me it is.

THE STORY:

So last semester my friend Kristen got me hooked on this show Long Island Medium. The show details the life of Theresa Caputo a psychic medium who can communicate with the dead. She meets with clients to give them messages from their loved ones letting them know that they are at peace. Ever since I started watching this show I’ve been wanting to see a psychic medium so I can communicate with my Memere. Theresa’s work has such a positive impact of the lives of her clients and she is able to give them hope and peace of mind. I want this. After my Memere died I spiraled into depression and consequently developed an eating disorder. Additionally, my anxiety issues spun out of control into a disorder and manifested in OCD tendencies. This is still something I struggle with every day. Every single day I miss my Memere and I wish she was here with me. She was my pinky pal, my best friend, my role model, my guiding light. I just want confirmation that she is ok and that she is proud of me.

This summer I attempted to do some research on local mediums but considering I am a supernatural novice I had no idea what to look for or how to judge my options. One day I work I was fiddling around online while I was at work and I saw that Theresa was coming to PPAC to do a live show. Immediately I knew I had to go. I told my coworkers about it and one of them decided she would go with me. 

Every day after I bought the tickets I would talk to my memere. I would tell her that I loved her and missed her and that if she could find a way to come through at Theresa’s show I would be so thankful. I knew that there would be a couple other thousand people at this PPAC event, but hey it was worth a shot right?! All I wanted to hear was that she was okay and she was at peace. I wanted her to tell me that she was proud of her hummingbird and she has been with me through my high school graduation and all my milestones in going to college and now to grad school. I just wanted to be sure that she was able to follow me to those places.

It must be pretty obvious that Theresa didn’t channel my memere. Otherwise I would have been posting like crazy about it on all forms of social media. teehee. BUT something Theresa spoke about really resonated with me and I’m clinging to it as my personal validation.

Lets take this back to freshman year. I’m an awkward nervous freshman girl who is terrified that she looks weird in her brandy new college ID photo. I’m sitting in Moore Hall and IDs are being distributed. I get mine. I’m upset. My face looks alright even though my hair is a lil wonky but what bothers me most is there is some random white smudge on the side of my face that is definitely not apart of the picture. It sends my OCD into hyperdrive. Why do I have to have this random asymmetrical blemish on my brandy new ID?! I ask the people next to me if their IDs have the distortion too. No one else has it. Fast forward four years of undergrad at PC during which I never met anyone else with a weird distortion smudge on their ID like mine.

Last week was my first week as a grad student. I was so incredibly nervous to be venturing off to a new city in which I don’t know anyone to live in a new apartment that is comparable to the cupboard under the stairs. At Orientation we had to take our photo IDs in front of a room of people that we hadn’t met yet. AWKSAUCE. A few days later we were able to pick up our IDs in the registrars office. And wouldn’t you know, my ID had a white blemish on the side of my face. SRSLYGUYZWTF?! Again, this made me quite put off but I brushed it off as coincidence.

During Theresa’s show she went off on a random tangent about pictures. She was talking about the ways that spirit makes themselves apparent to us. Sometimes its songs we hear or random whiffs of a familiar scent. Sometimes we find new things lying around or things are in a different place than we last put them. Sometimes spirits make themselves apparent in pictures and they are responsible for the unexplained blemishes, distortions and shadows we see in pictures. BINGO! YAHTZEE! LIGHTBULB! THATS IT!

I don’t care if you don’t believe in what Theresa does. I’ve witnessed her work first hand and I believe she is an unbelievably gifted woman. I believe that the people we love never truly leave us and that sometimes we need a reminder that we are there. I haven’t exactly ironed out my religious beliefs but I know I believe in something. There is energy, there is a life force, there are spirits all around us. I know that my Memere is the reason for the distortions on my IDs. I wanted to know if she was with me and she made herself present in the most important thing I needed in college. My ID is my identity and I need to carry it at all times. She is with me always. 

I still want to have a one on one sessions with a psychic medium (Theresa’s waiting list is like 3 years, damn) so if anyone has any good recommendations please let me know. Our loved ones never truly leave it but it doesn’t hurt to get an answer every once and a while. Thank you Memere for being the best grandmother a girl could have. I miss you beyond what words can express, but I know I carry you with me every single day. <3

Love,

Your Hummingbird

Eye Love. 13.

This is a project that I just started this summer.  I love eyes and I want to share the eyes that I love.  Every person has beautiful & unique eyes.  Eyes allow us to the see world and see each other.  I want to share some of that beauty with you.

Session #13- Ally

1. Daydream.

2. If I were a Boy.

3. Tigress.

4. Hidden.

5. Bronze.

6. Mess.

7. 

8. Compass point.

Eye Love. 12.

This is a project that I just started this summer.  I love eyes and I want to share the eyes that I love.  Every person has beautiful & unique eyes.  Eyes allow us to the see world and see each other.  I want to share some of that beauty with you.

Session #12- Jericha

1. Natural beauty.

2. Awake.

3. Greener pastures.

4. Mermaid.

5. Fresh.

6. $wag

7. Twin.

8. A new hope.

-Photos by Alexandra Sexton

Fixer.

We were fixed up. 

I could have sewn a patch on your ripped jeans

but I like a few frays on my knees

I might have been able to remove a glitch

from your hardware

and cracked a world problem

in the Sunday paper

but technology is expected to fail

and your words weren’t easily untangled

I could have secured that button on your shirt

so it wouldn’t fail you

I could’ve mended that shelf

so you could place your trophies there

Maybe you should get fixed.

I may tidy your hair

so your hair doesn’t cover your eyes

I might edit your speeches

you know how to turn a phrase

but you spew lies

and I don’t know how to correct those

 I’m a fixer.

nevertheless- I can’t give in to another fix

my eyes are unwaveringly fixed on you

you are continuously fixed in my mind

yet you are fixed in your position

fixated on your life’s path

 I can’t fix you.

Not in the way you want me to.

Eye Love. 11.

This is a project that I just started this summer.  I love eyes and I want to share the eyes that I love.  Every person has beautiful & unique eyes.  Eyes allow us to the see world and see each other.  I want to share some of that beauty with you.

Session #11- Ally

1. Freckle.

2. Beauty.

3. Tears.

4. Flood.

5. Wind.

6. Empty.

7. Monarch.

8. Crystal.

9. Ying-yang.

10. Demon.

11. Unleash.

12. Unrecognizable. 

13. Double-vision.

14. Cyclops.

15. Inversion.

16. Another.

-Photos by Alexandra Sexton

Tree of Life

I want poetry in motion

from sun rise

until the stars blanket the sky

tides of freedom

crashing upon the shores of youth

climbing trees and skinned knees

watery eyes

patch me up

send me onward

to Grandmother Willow

and Master Oak

sun shines on me

heal my heart

sew it back together with rays of light

wind whips through broken spirits

but it can’t cut through mine

you can bob along

or swim to the shore

drown or save yourself

grab onto the rising sun

it will bring you out of the shadows

splash your face

with the diamonds floating in the sky

emerse yourself in the night air

there is no division between

sea&sky

the roots of life

in the depths

the buds of being

extending toward the infinite

no segregation

just massive blue

sprinkled with light

sitting on the branch

of my Family tree

the view is clear

beauty for miles and miles around

Eye Love. 10.

Eye Love.

This is a project that I just started this summer.  I love eyes and I want to share the eyes that I love.  Every person has beautiful & unique eyes.  Eyes allow us to the see world and see each other.  I want to share some of that beauty with you.

Session #10- Ally

1. Slytherin.

2. Hope.

3. Serpent.

4. Fertility.

5. Roots.

6. Blossom.